"Mission, mission, mission."
That was the mantra drilled into Lieutenant General Maria Gervais at the start of her service in the Army. Focus on results, stay tough, keep emotions in check.
But, ten years into her career, a subordinate visited her office and dropped a grenade in the form of unfiltered feedback. Gervais was coming across as unapproachable and overly rigid. While her mission-first mindset had achieved some tactical objectives, it lacked the humanity needed to truly inspire her battalion.
Gervais had a choice. She could defend her style. It had gotten her there, after all. Instead, she paused. She let the feedback sink in and faced a scary possibility — not leaving the impact she intended. And so, she decided to adapt.
That moment reshaped how she led her command. "Leadership is really about making sure that everybody knows you care," she shared with me in 2022. "Because until they know you care, they won't."
Beyond humility, this story underscores the importance of speaking up, even in a hierarchical environment like the military. The conversation moved Gervais to spend the remainder of her 37 years of service championing a vision of the Army where connection and open dialogue matter as much as mission outcomes.
The lesson? Exceptional leadership emerges in the space between feeling and knee-jerk reaction, where you allow yourself to listen and respond with purpose.
Why Hiding Feelings Backfires
Workplace tension lives in the unspoken. Every bottled-up frustration, buried discomfort, or forced smile slowly erodes our relationships. We’ve convinced ourselves that 'keeping it professional' means hiding our feelings, as if experiencing feelings is somehow unprofessional.
Yet emotions don't vanish when we clock in. They bubble beneath the surface, and the real work is channeling them to strengthen relationships, not weaken them.
Feel First, Act Second
Imagine that your colleague dismisses your idea in a meeting. The instant tightness in your throat and heat in your chest—that's emotion: raw and unfiltered, as involuntary as a sneeze. How you interpret and respond — that's feeling. One is automatic; the other is a choice.
Physical emotions travel from the body to the brain filtered through your personal histories, culture, and beliefs. They become feelings like rage or excitement, and your first impulse might be to react. But reactions rarely serve you well at work. Effective leadership requires one step further: choosing how to apply your feelings most productively.
When your idea gets dismissed, your gut might tell you to fire off a frustrated Slack message or vent to colleagues over lunch. What if you stepped back and asked yourself:
- What am I feeling?
- Why is this triggering me?
- What do I want from this interaction?
Reflection Could Change Everything
Maybe you spot a pattern: creative ideas get dismissed when budgets are tight. Or maybe you recognize that your colleague's behavior isn't personal; they're dealing with their own pressures.
With this awareness, you can transform "You never listen" into "Can we schedule time to discuss this properly?" and "You're being difficult" becomes "Help me understand your concerns."
When you model this approach — like Gervais did — you pave the way for others to follow. Teams discover they can be professional and authentic. Issues surface sooner, critiques provoke improvement, and hard truths forge deep bonds. In Gervais’ words, "If you take care of your people, the mission will take care of itself.”
Start Here
Consider a time that stirred strong feelings at work.
- Where did you feel it in your body?
- What was your first instinct?
- What story did you tell yourself about the event?
- How would you handle it differently now?
Conscious leaders choose to understand their feelings and respond thoughtfully, rather than react hastily to them. When we communicate deliberately and receive with open hearts and minds, we build atmospheres where projects and assignments succeed.
Remember: Feelings matter. Like any powerful tool, they become most useful when we learn to wield them with skill and purpose.
Sending love and light,
Ginny Clarke