“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.”
James Baldwin
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Last newsletter, I told you to get pissed off.
Genuinely, righteously pissed off enough to confront whatever holds you back, stop waiting for permission or the perfect moment, and insist on recognition that matches your contributions.
That struck a nerve. I heard from many of you with your own stories of being ignored and overlooked, and the particular rage that treatment ignites. You feel it, you know it's justified, but how do you make that anger work for you instead of against you? How do you frame your message so whoever’s listening has to hear it?
The resources below explore how to learn from your anger. They'll help you interpret what it’s telling you, regulate your body's alarm systems, and channel that energy into conversations that change things.
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💜 The Heart
Tools to support your conscious leadership practice.
🗣️ Force depletes you, power sustains you [Book]
Attack someone's competence, they defend. Focus on your own contributions, they open up. Psychiatrist David Hawkins spent decades studying why. In Power vs. Force, he documents how threats and manipulation (force) spike cortisol and impair judgment, while communicating expectations clearly (power) increases engagement. This book shows you how to draw power from your proven value in crucial moments.
✂️ Deliver your message in just three sentences [Article]
When you limit yourself to three sentences, your points become undeniable. A successful lawyer turned communication coach explains in this interview that problems compound through "100 little conversations you don't have." His technique for having them while they're still manageable: describe the situation, express how you feel, and request what needs to change. Nothing else. Brevity is power without force in action, and the same discipline applies to apologies (see below).
🤝 How to apologize after a blow-up [Podcast]
The confrontation went too far. Now there's damage to repair. In this podcast episode, Brené Brown and Harriet Lerner analyze what makes apologies fail. They dissect the common tendencies that exacerbate conflicts, such as subtly shifting blame, adding "buts," or turning explanations into excuses. Effective apologies have only two ingredients: taking responsibility and changing behavior. Additional words put you into defensive territory. Listen for the ways you may be undermining your own attempts to make amends.
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🧠 The Matter
Leadership trends that caught my attention.
💰 Your silence has a high price tag [Article]
Two weeks. That's what forty-three percent of employees waste annually ruminating on issues they don’t voice. Researchers calculated how much that costs, and it’s somewhere between $25,000 to $50,000 per silent employee per year in lost productivity, delayed projects, and turnover. Every conversation you dodge makes the next one harder to start while problems spread around you. Time to start speaking your mind - and asking for a raise while you’re at it, since you’ll be saving your organization money.
🚨 Why people quit (hint: it's not money) [Study]
Bigger paychecks don’t keep people if the culture itself is rotten. In 1.3 million employee reviews that MIT Sloan processed during the Great Resignation of 2021, toxic culture predicted turnover 10.4 times more than low salary. Disrespect, exclusion, unethical behavior, cutthroat competition, and abuse: these five dealbreakers matter more to employees than any financial incentive. Toxicity thrives when it remains unaddressed. Each person who tolerates it becomes another reason others leave.
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🎯 Final Thoughts
You know your rage is legitimate. You've felt it build through months or years of being dismissed. If you can see what’s wrong and are telling yourself to swallow it in the name of professionalism, stop it!
Your silence is costly. It enables the dysfunction that drives talent away. It funds the very system that diminishes you.
Speak now. The price only goes up.
Sending love and light,
Ginny